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Belimitless Mondays – How to remain unemployed

If for any reason you have been made redundant or decided to hand in your notice and you are not really feeling motivated to get a new job, there are 8 steps that you can take to remain unemployed.

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1st – Do not think that your job now should be finding a new job. Doing this might actually get you one. So instead start by loosing all the disciplines you had while you were employed, so start to go to bed late and also get up late. Have your breakfast in front of the TV and stay there for a few hours.

2nd – If you are using your computer, notebook or Ipad, log in to Facebook and make sure you play all those games that you keep getting requests for. The trick is to stay away from emails and recruitment companies websites. You just have to keep telling yourself that there are no jobs to look for any way so you know you are not wasting your time right?

3rd – Make sure you just hang out with all your unemployed friends, keep supporting each other on reinforcing the idea that this is just a difficult time to all of you but jobs will come knock on your door. At all costs avoid catching up with people with careers because they might have something for you and you do not want that.

4th – If by any chance you feel obligated to have a look and apply for a few jobs, make sure you have not updated your CV and cover letter. When applying for different jobs keep using the same template because like that they can see you are not so interested anyway and they will definitely not call you for an interview.

5th – Keep using the same strategy, If so far what you are doing have not found you a job keep doing it so you make sure you keep getting the same results. Most important keep away from networking, between me and you, apparently this is how people are actually finding new opportunities.

6th – Keep lying to yourself, friends and family. Just tell them that you have tried everything….like… everything you can do but there are no jobs out there as everyone knows right? They even say it on TV… that is usually a good one just to re enforce it. Mention the economy and that you do not have the skills and experience to actually find one.

7th – If you are unlucky and for some reason someone or yourself managed to get an interview, please do not ask them how to prepare for this, They might give you useful hints in how to prepare well for this interview but remember you do not wish to be a successful candidate at this stage so you do not need any preparation.

8th – if someone offers you a job just tell them that it is too far and that now you do not have money to be able to commute to work or that you do not have any suitable clothes. Tell them that you believe you would not be any good at this and that you are looking for something different.

If you are already doing all the above, congratulations you are an expert in remaining unemployed.

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